The Future Has Arrived
by Wynter Spite
Summary: In which Sakura pushes a big red button, travels through timelines and Sasuke unwittingly tags along for the ride.


"Is that a big red button?"

"It appears so, my lovely-yet-frightening companion."

"It has a sign on it."

"Indeed it does."

"It says not to push it."

"Really? The words look kind of blurry to me."

"Let's push it."

"Err . . . maybe we should wait for Naruto."

"It says not to push."

"So you say."

"I'm gonna push it."

"Maybe that's not such a good . . ."

_Beep!_

"That is a horrible sound."

"Does something seem strange to you?"

"Besides your face?"

"Real original."

"Hey, Sasuke, I can see right through you!"

"I don't think I'm that expressional . . ."

"Naruto's gonna kill us."

"I'm gonna kill you."

"I guess I shouldn't have pressed that button."

"Are you sober now?"

_"Noop."_

"Did you just say 'noop'?"

"Uh. No. You're fading right before my eyes!"

"Don't try to distract me-oh. Huh."

_Sigh. _"Here we go again."

* * *

Hatake Kakashi was certain that this was not how training sessions usually went, with two odd strangers suddenly appearing in the middle of his spar with Obito.

"I've fallen and I can't get back up," cried the pink-haired female sprawled on the ground.

"Never fear, I shall save you, my cherry blossom!" the male declared, staggering slightly.

"You're the one I used to need saving from, you drunken duck!"

The man pointed at her unsteadily. Well, not her, exactly. Maybe at the rock next to her head. "Stop calling me that. You infected Naruto, you traitor."

"You're the traitor. My hair will never by the same! Look! Look, you emo idiot!" she grasped part of her bangs, pulling at them as if to show her companion the depths of his betrayal. "Look at it!" she insisted. "My luscious locks are already going silver! You've aged me beyond my years!" She let go and thumped her head against the ground with a moan. "When we get back from . . . wherever we are . . . I'm siccin' Gaara on you."

"Well, then I'm going to sic Lee on you," the man vowed.

"Screw you, duck-butt," she mumbled. "_Urrrgh_. Ohhhh, my head hurts." She focused on Minato, who wasn't quite certain what was going on, but knew instinctively that it wasn't for those who were safe in their sanity. "Look, Sassy, it's Naruto's dad. What are you and Kakashi's charming but nonexistent son doing here?" Her gaze slid over to Obito. "Is that Tobi? Hey, Tobi, whatever you do . . . trust me . . . snakes are bad juju. Burn them all to a crisp and chop them into tiny little pieces . . . and eat them. I'll bet they taste like chicken."

Her friend began to laugh. "Wait until Naruto hears that you said that." The he looked at Obito. "Hey, Tobi-"

"My name's Obito-"

The man pointed an unsteady finger at him, swaying precariously where he stood. "_Sshh_. Listen to me, Tobi. Weird-eyed madmen are evil."

"You're evil again, Sasuke?" the female slurred.

"Cool masks aren't worth it, Tobi," 'Sasuke' continued doggedly. "Your friends need you. You can't just run off and join evil madmen to get revenge against the one person who loved you more than anything and was forced to do something against all his morals, causing that one person to become mostly blind and horribly misunderstood. You can't do that, Tobi," the man told him, his gaze intense. "It's not nice."

"Your pitiful memories of depression and vengeance are suffocating me," the girl on the ground beside him said.

He focused bleary eyes on her. "Huh?"

The pink-haired female blinked up at him. "I'm going to be sick." She proceeded to do so, mostly on Minato's shoes.

The blood drained from Sasuke's head, and he turned an astonishing shade of off-white. "Gurk." Then he collapsed. A millisecond later, the two began to shimmer, then fade away.

After a moment of stunned silence, Obito looked at Minato. "I'm glad I'm not your shoes."

Rin slapped him upside the head.

"Ow! What? What'd I say?"

* * *

Uchiha Itachi was not an easy man to disconcert. It would take a very odd event to cause anything like alarm. Which was probably why such an event happened in the first place.

Now, Itachi didn't often believe in impossibilities truly being impossible. Impossibilities were, after all, only possibilities that people hadn't yet made possible. But even he gave pause when a pink-haired young woman and a much older version of his little brother appeared right before his admittedly worsening eyes, looking very inebriated indeed.

"Where're we now?" the girl mumbled, leaning heavily on his brother.

Sasuke looked around, stilling and only blinking once the moment he noticed Itachi.

The girl squinted at him and waved. "Is that Itachi? Hi, Itachi. Did you press a big red button that explith . . . ekthp . . . ephlicit . . . clearly said _'Do Not Touch_', too?"

Itachi didn't get the chance to reply. Sasuke pointed at him unsteadily. "You . . . " Itachi tensed, waiting for his brother to attack.

"You look so . . . _old_." Sasuke said it as if he thought Itachi resembled the earth beneath his feet. The elder Uchiha wasn't quite certain what to think about that.

"How old are you?" his brother asked disbelievingly. "Nineteen? Twenty? You look as if you're _sixty_. You look ancient. You've got all these lines on your face. Like an archaic tree. That's how many lines you've got. I'm glad I don't look like that."

The pink-haired girl started to giggle hysterically. "The stress musta gotten to 'im. Relax and take a few, Grandpa," she slurred.

Take a few . . . what?

"Speak clearer, Sak'ra," Sasuke said slowly, as if his tongue were rebelling against him. "He doesn't understand modern language. He's older than dirt. He transcends time."

"Whoa. You're a dinosaur, 'Tachi," the girl gurgled as she laughed. "A big ol' dino."

Sasuke studied him. "Do you condition your hair?"

There was a pause, as if time had stopped. Then the girl and his little brother vanished with an almost inaudible '_pop_'.

Itachi looked at the place where they'd once been for several seconds.

He felt old. And puzzled.

But mostly old.

* * *

Sabaku no Gaara, despite his childish appearance, was no fool. He was nine years old and fear ruled his people, fear of him. He had not met one person who wasn't afraid.

Until now.

"Look, Sasuke," the girl with pink hair said excitedly. "It's Gaara! He's so small! And so cute!" She nudged her companion. "Huh? Isn't he cute?"

"He is," Sasuke admitted without shame.

"I just want to grab him up and hug him 'till my arms fall off," she said dreamily.

"Shukaku would probably kill you, though."

"But he's so adorable . . ." the girl trailed off.

Sasuke patted her on the back. "You can hug him until your arms fall off when we get back."

"But he'll be all grown up then."

"Well, do something nice if you can't touch him," he said, exasperated.

The girl sighed. "I suppose I can do that." She reached into the fanny pack at her hip and pulled out three pink blossoms, twined together by the stems. Then she walked over, close enough to touch if she reached out but far enough away that the sand didn't threaten her. "Hold out your hand," she instructed in such a manner that the Demon of the Sand had no other choice. She dropped the flowers into his palm. "That is a representation of my adoration for you," she told him.

Sasuke snorted.

"Shut it, duck-boy."

Gaara looked down at the gift, his expression not quite making it to actual emotion. When he looked back up, the girl was smiling down at him. "Tell your siblings these exact words, please. 'Ho, young warriors. Be nice to your brother and never trust snakes or squirrels. The future awaits.' Thank you."

Gaara glanced down at the flowers for a brief moment. When he looked up again, the two people were gone, leaving no evidence of their previous presence aside from the light pink blossoms in his hand.

* * *

"Squirrels? Really?"

"They can be really dangerous," she defended.

"Since when?"

"Since Naruto! His constant cheer is infuriating!"

"So infuriating that it caused squirrels to become hazardous all of the sudden?"

"You try watching a horde of tiny rabid carnivores trying to eat your friend's face off," she mumbled. "And succeeding, too, might I add."

"Squirrels aren't carnivorous."

"That's just what they want you to think."

There was a pause.

Then, "I don't even want to know."

"You really, really don't."

* * *

"This is ridiculous," a female voice argued. "How long is this going to go on? I mean, first the previous Team Seven, then Itachi? Who else are we going to run into? This shouldn't even be possible! I expect these kinds of things from Naruto, not us! It-who's that?"

Momochi Zabuza, the Demon of the Mist, was by no means an idiot. He could see pretty clearly when something was normal and when it wasn't.

This definitely was not normal. People usually didn't just shimmer into being right in front of him. He would have suspected Genjutsu, if it wasn't so strange all on its own.

The girl gave him a curious glance. "Do I know you? You look familiar."

The man next to her gestured toward Zabuza's companion of three years. "Look there. Do you recognize them now?"

The girl gasped, her eyes widening slightly. "Oh, oh, oh! I remember! Wow, that takes me back. We were so immature back then. Honestly, I'm embarrassed for myself. I don't know what I saw in you, Sasuke. You were so emo. You still are, but back then it was like this huge cloud of depression hanging over you. Depressing for other people, I mean. Not you."

"Thank you, Ms. Sympathy. I feel so much better about myself now. All that built-up self-loathing is just _gone._ It's a miracle. You should become a psychiatrist. In only a few minutes, you'd have all of your patients feeling like their lives are a piece of cake. Wow. You're practically magical."

"Your opinion is noted, Mr. Sarcasm. Thank you for your time, but you're not needed anymore."

"I didn't know I was needed in the first place. I feel accomplished."

"Who cares about your feelings?" the girl snorted. She looked at Zabuza. "Do you care about his feelings?" She turned back to her companion before he could reply. "No. No one cares about your feelings."

"Ouch. My heart. It hurts."

"Suck it up, princess."

"Does that make you the dragon?"

Zabuza glanced down at Haku, who was watching the proceedings by his side. He had the vague idea that he should probably kill these people, but the events playing out before him were a bit too fascinating to truly do it.

"When is the crazy-train due to stop, anyway?"

"How should I know?"

"You're the one who pressed the big red button," the girl pointed out.

"Uh, no. That was you. I was the one trying to stop you from pressing the big red button."

She waved a hand dismissively. "Semantics."

"No. Not semantics."

"_Semantics_," she repeated.

"Is that your answer for everything?"

"Semantics." This time it came out sounded smug.

"You're driving me insane," the man said, exasperated.

"Whoops. Sorry. I'll _semantics_ to stop the _semantics_ so that your _semantics_ aren't so _semantic_ anymore. Semantics."

"I hate you."

"Finally. I was beginning to think that nothing would do the trick."

The man sighed. "You just had to sober up, didn't you."

"You love me like this," she said, unfazed.

"I just said that I hated you."

There was a pause.

Then, "Semantics."

And with that, they disappeared as if they'd never been there in the first place.

Somewhere in his subconscious, Zabuza swore then and there to keep Haku away from people like that.

He ultimately failed, considering the fact they were from the future and he had to meet up with them sometime, but at least he tried.

* * *

Even when Madara and Hashirama were younger, they knew the kind of people you had to avoid. It was common sense, after all. But even if they had been fifty years older, they never could have predicted this.

"_Burllgghfff!_" The pink haired woman who had fallen into the river burst out, coughing and sputtering like she was hacking up a lung. "Totally yer fawt," she gurgled at her companion.

Her dark-eyed friend glared at her, hair-not to mention clothes-dripping wet. "Don't blame this on me. You're the one who stole a bottle of Tsunade's sake . . . and then proceeded to drink all of it!"

"Big words, duck-boy," the woman scoffed, a slight slur marring her words. Then she seemed to take notice of Madara and Hashirama. "Hey, look, Sasu-chan, two kids!"

"Call me that again and I'm going to kill you. Slowly and with great pleasure." The man looked over them carefully. "Do they . . . seem familiar to you?"

The woman cackled and pointed a finger at Madara. "He's got even worse duck-hair than you!"

Madara's expression turned annoyed. "Who are you?"

"I'm the Great and Powerful Slug Sage of the Nations, the Healer of Fire Country, the one and only . . . _Haruno_ _Sakura_!" she said grandly.

"Believe it," her dark-haired companion said in a monotone.

She laughed gaily. "Wait until I tell Naruto you said that!"

"You won't have to," a new voice said. They turned to see a man standing there, with blond hair in spikes and his eyes a bright, piercing blue.

"Heh, heh . . . hey, Naruto," the pink-haired woman said sheepishly.

"Sakura," Naruto sighed, tone annoyed. "Sasuke. What've you guys gotten yourselves into now?"

Sakura bit her lip. "We pressed the button."

"The button. The red one?"

"The red one," she confirmed.

"With the sign saying, '_Do Not Touch_'? The sign I put up specifically to stop people from touching it?"

"Err . . . yes?"

Naruto closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Then he looked up again. "I would have expected this from me, not you two."

"Don't bring me into this," 'Sasuke' mumbled.

"We were drunk," Sakura admitted. Then she defended, "Besides, you know putting up signs like that makes it worse. Telling people not to touch something just makes them want to touch it even more!"

There was a pause. Then Naruto said, "Okay, this is just starting to sound like something else."

Sakura gazed at him. "I really, really wanted to touch it."

Naruto snorted. "Sakura."

Hashirama stepped forward to interrupt, "Okay, who are you guys?"

Naruto looked at him, then blanched. "Oh, Kami. Is he . . . some kind of relative to Lee?"

"Doubt it. The haircut sure makes him look like it, though," Sakura remarked.

"Look, look, you guys introduce yourselves and we'll do the same," Naruto encouraged.

Madara and Hashirama exchanged glances, but after a brief hesitation, decided to agree to the deal.

"I'm Hashirama," the secret Senju introduced.

"Madara," the secret Uchiha muttered.

Three faces blanked. It was alarming, the way it seemed as if the strange adults just suddenly drained of all emotion.

Then Sakura made a strangled sound in the back of her throat. "_Grkh_."

Naruto wheezed. Sasuke just stood there, staring at the young versions of the God of Shinobi and the greatest and worst Uchiha in the history of the world.

Sakura pointed a shaking finger at the two clueless boys in front of her and gurgled, "Duck-butt. Bowl-cut. Why?"

Suddenly, the three began to shimmer, and Naruto snapped out of it. "Damn it, looks like this is our ride. Listen, you guys make sure not to totally become arch enemies or whatever, okay?" he called. "_And don't try to take over the world!_"

Then they were gone.

After a minute of silently staring at the place the strangers had just unexpectedly disappeared from, Madara looked at Hashirama suspiciously. "Did you give me something?"

A few months later, their connection was discovered by their warring families, and the weird people who had disturbed their lives were forgotten. Madara and Hashirama never spoke of them again.

* * *

Meanwhile, in present Konoha, Naruto was not happy.

He raised an eyebrow at his two (impressively) wayward friends. "Well? What do you have to say for yourselves?"

"It's Sakura's fault," Sasuke said instantly.

"I was drunk on love?" the pink-haired medic suggested.

Naruto snorted. "The drunk part is certainly right."

"It was utterly against my will!" Sakura exclaimed. "It was like some kind of presence was controlling me! It forced me to press the button, I swear!"

Naruto looked at her dubiously. "Really . . ."

"Yes." She nodded. "It said its name was Phee."

"That's the name of your cat."

"Uh . . ."

Naruto rolled his eyes as he leaned against a nearby stand. "Just don't do it again and you'll be fine, all right?"

"Sure, sure." Sakura leaned in close to Sasuke and whispered out of the corner of her mouth, "Geez, who knew Naruto would be the responsible one?"

Sasuke, however, had fixed his eyes on the stand beneath Naruto's arm. "Naruto . . ."

"What now?"

"Isn't that the button you were talking about?"

Naruto looked down at the big red button currently underneath his elbow. He blinked. "Well, shoot."

Sakura began to cackle, long and loud. "See ya when it's over, _sucker_!"

Then Naruto used his Kyuubi chakra to reach out and grab the two of them to yank them over to him. Then he raised his arm. The button popped back up.

Sakura paled. "You little-"

They shimmered.

* * *

Somewhere around the time of the Kyuubi attack, three adults of varying hair colors fell from the sky and crashed atop a curious cloaked fellow wearing a suspicious-looking one-eyed mask.

It went on from there, and didn't stop until a snake-like man was killed when a dark-haired young man stumbled into him and knocked him down a flight of stairs.

And the world was forever changed.


End file.
